Objective: To equip the church community to embrace singles as cherished members of the church family and encourage them to operate in their unique strengths for the edification of the Body of Christ.
Whatever society tells us about singleness—whether it be a cause for shame or a ticket to self-fulfillment—the truth is that the Scripture offers a live-giving alternative perspective of singleness as a gift within the family of God. Both marriage and singleness are valid spiritual practices. While it is certainly important for the church to celebrate and esteem marriage and family, it is also vital to celebrate singles as whole and vital members of the Body of Christ.
For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another....Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another. (Romans 12:4-5, 10, NKJV).
Around the globe, marriage is on the decline, and more and more people are single, observes Barry N. Danylak in his 2024 article “A Biblical Theology of Singleness in an Increasingly Single World.” “The single Saviour, Jesus Christ, has fully expressed the image of God and is the basis for our identity as fully complete human beings (Colossians 1:28).” Whether male or female, each person is fully m ade in the image of God. Yet, as Danylak rightly suggests, "Singlness is not a problem to be fixed."
While singleness is not necessarily a problem to be fixed, loneliness and isolation are an epidemic, and the church can help. God did not design people to do life alone. In 2023, the US surgeon general identified loneliness and isolation as an epidemic posing great physical and mental health risks. People who lack social connection experience higher rates of cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and mental health challenges, including thoughts of suicide. While anyone can experience loneliness and isolation, those who are single can be especially vulnerable.
Psychologist Gary Collins and others have identified some of the emotions that can come with being single. These include loneliness, isolation, fear of rejection, shame, inadequacy, fear of being alone, self-esteem/confidence issues, anxiety/depression, insignificance, impatience, and frustration. These emotions, especially shame, can make it difficult for single people to show up in the life of the church. This is where the family of God can make a difference on an individual basis. In Hello New Life, Paula Nilsen writes, “It doesn’t even need to be the literal church that someone attends. My friend reminded me that when I talk to her about my pain, my ideas, my prayers, I’m not just talking to a friend from afar, I’m talking to a part of the church, a body member in Christ.”
Without a life partner, a single person can experience challenges along practical lines. Some of these include:
• Lack of milestone celebrations
• Resources/cost of living challenges due to being a single-income household
• Not having a sounding board when making big decisions, including financial
• Practical help with home repairs, housework, auto repairs, etc.
• Transportation to the airport or when a vehicle is in the shop
• Support when facing medical issues
• Help with childcare and parenting challenges
• Eating alone
Each person meets life’s challenges in different ways, so the emotions and practical challenges listed will not apply to every single person you know. Yet it is important to be aware of general trends and sensitive to areas that might be a struggle. What are some ways you’ve noticed singles and single parents might be struggling in your congregation? Remember that “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NKJV).
Be specific if you can help in some way. For instance, if you hear someone say they have upcoming travel plans or a medical appointment, you could offer to be their Uber driver and let them know you mean it. Or if they mention being tired of cooking for one, invite them to lunch after church or a simple meal in your home. If a single mom mentions her boys like playing basketball, invite them to shoot a few hoops in the park with your family. If you learn single individuals or families in your church will be alone during the holidays, invite them for a meal, to view a light display, or attend a concert with you.
Nilsen writes that “God has created such a beautiful refuge in the Church. The Church helps us and reminds us that we are not alone.” Some singles will have extensive resources and friend/family networks to tap and might appear perfectly capable of doing life solo. Nonetheless, it can be meaningful and helpful to acknowledge the challenges you observe people facing, while also identifying the strengths they’ve developed. Let them know you see their strength, but ask if there is something you can pray with them about. Chances are, people who appear strong are still facing challenges. If someone asks you for help with something, thank them for being vulnerable. Conversely, if there is an opportunity for singles to contribute to a ministry or help you with a project that aligns with their area of strength or expertise, invite them to do so.
Discussion questions:
- What are some ways to recognize singles as "whole" regardless of marital history or parental status?
- For couples: Give examples of how you and your spouse could include single people in your life.
- For singles: Give examples of how you could build stronger relationships with other singles, married couples, and families in your church and community.
- Identify some gifts/talents in the singles of your local church.
- Engagements, weddings, new babies, and anniversaries are celebrated events in most churches. What are some ways the church can rejoice with singles?
This article was published in the June 2024 issue of Pentecostal Life magazine.
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